I just finished watching a rather good movie, and now I'm winding down, sipping a nightcap, and pondering. Pondering the movie, that is, which was an adaptation of a Gabriel García Márquez novel.
I'm pondering it because I don't get the notion of idealized, romantic love. I just don't. It seems so medieval, this hollywoodesque longing and yearning, which is not centered in sanity in any way but rather upon an individual's single-minded obsession. And yet people seem to exist in this state.
Case in point, I once knew a blogger who told me that "for the right man, I would move anywhere in the world." So... how and when do you know that he's "right?" And what happens in ten years when he's a different person altogether? Because people change, and rarely together.
Now, "love" as "deep emotional attachment" I understand very well. I've got no beef with that. It's the pedestal and the blanket willingness to act that I don't get. I keep trying to figure it out, too. I mean, apart from my family, I have maybe five or six close friends, not a single one of whom is anyone to whom I necessarily felt any strong/close connection at first meeting, but all of whom I've known for many years. Some of them are thousands of miles away from me, and have been for a while.
Here's what I'm starting to suspect: that people live in a state of generalized loneliness, and they're willing to do almost anything to escape it. That feeling is what religion preys upon, for example. And cults. And not to equal religion and cults with love, but I do think that western peoples' idea of romantic companionship and love is really just a symptom of loneliness.
I'm starting to sound like a curmudgeon here, so I will end this by stating that I'm not some kind of bare-lightbulb, manifesto-writing loner here, and I don't discount not only that there are happy couples in the world but also that making that work does take effort. I just think that being alone is underrated. There is much to be discovered in oneself, almost none of which can be found in company, and certainly not while one has starry eyes for an unknown someone, somewhere, somehow.
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I think we all are alone - but that the success of our species depends wholly on our working together. So we're constantly faced with the challenge of balancing two opposite truths.
ReplyDeleteThe quote that brought it all together for me was in a very silly movie (but then even silly movies can have their moments!): "So now, alone or not, you've got a walk ahead. Thing to remember is if we're all alone, then we're all together in that too."
Some people are born to be loners while others are social people. A loner might not understand why someone craves for company of other people while a gregarious person might feel sorry for someone who is alone when the loner actually enjoys solitude. We aren't built the same way and it's up to us when we need to adapt to the circumstances that we don't normally prefer.
ReplyDeleteI have always felt that religion was a need not to be afraid, insignifigant, lonely etc. and I think you make a good point about people living in a generalized state of loneliness doing almost anything not to face themselves. Not to say that I don't believe in love because I do but I think we all know or will know,loneliness.The moment you meet you begin the journey of parting. Anyway think you said it best and have been enjoying reading you.
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