I learned today that my long-ago Ex lost her home to foreclosure. For those that have been reading here for a long time, that would be Venus (to my Mars). In one way, that made me sad. She loved that little townhome. That plus her truck were her entire identity. In another, not so much, since I tried to hard to counsel her on how to keep it, but she had no clue or desire to know how to change that.
Ultimately, this just drives home to me how we can't change people at all. We are who we are, and honestly, it's insane to expect that to change.
For me, this is kind of a pivotal moment in my life. I can't, and don't want to live this way forever. Or do I? I don't know. There are choices to be made.
What I can't do is simply settle. I've been alive enough to know that settling for people in my life leads to deep unhappiness.
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I find those pivotal moments happen when I least expect them and usually come in the form of, "Damn, I've really come THAT far?" As for hearing about ex-flames' troubles, it's a strange place. I'm glad you could have compassion for her. You're right - we need to love and appreciate people for who they are, not want to change them. A tiger doesn't change it's stripes.
ReplyDeleteWhen I was single I vowed to myself that I wouldn't date anyone who didn't fit what I was looking for (at least not seriously, anyway). Period. I wasn't ever going to settle or put myself last ever again. And I didn't. Low and behold? I met the man of my dreams that way.
Put that energy out into the universe and you'll be pleasantly surprised.
Exactly, Katie. Along these lines, I'm currently reading "Free Will" by Sam Harris, and it's a fascinating read...
DeleteI am reminded of a song that was out a few years ago "I ain't settlin'". My daughter brought this song to my attention back then as her dad loved it - and as she put it - he was doing what the song suggested not to do... he was settlin'... As was I when we were together out of the belief that no matter how I felt, I child needs a father.
ReplyDeleteI am not that person anymore; I am done settlin'. I can wish others all the best, accept (a work in progress am I) them for who they choose to be... and move on accepting who I choose to be as well. (And my daughter is still climbing her rocks - she is learning not to settle too)
Oh, Exception, yeah. I remember a couple of old men talking in the harbor a few years ago, about how difficult they found it to be with their wives, and then one said "oh, but imagine how lonely it would be without them", and the other instantly agreed. That conversation made me sad.
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