On Facebook and the Paradigm of Social Networking

Besides the truly horrible privacy issues* (or lack-of-privacy, that is), this perfectly summarizes why I no longer use facebook.  I have long disliked it, and a couple of months ago I locked down my facebook account and stopped posting to it or logging in to read updates from anyone else, but I didn't really bother to analyze why beyond citing my usual knee-jerk introversion complaints.  Just something about it vaguely bothered me.  But that article really seems to have resonated with me.

This line of thought is interesting because I had thought that my aversion was to facebook, not to social networking in general.  In fact, I had been looking forward to the release of the diaspora project because its premise seemed completely at odds with the facebook approach, which I appreciated.   But so now, it seems that for me, at least, the problem is bigger than a particular software system.

I've been struggling to live my life more consciously, so perhaps that has something to do with it.  To know where the food I eat comes from, and how it was grown.  To patronize local merchants.  To identify and codify the principles by which I live my life, or want to live my life, and to stick by those principles, rather than letting life happen to me. To treat people with at least the respect that they are due, and hopefully more.  To value each personal relationship as a thing unique, worthy of my time and atttention.  To sideline distractions and to silence my inner dialogue.  To appreciate the moment.  To portray myself in an honest way, without bragging or hiding.  To celebrate my friends' and family members' successes, and downplay the occasional failure.

Facebook seems to provide a platform for behaviors and attitudes that I don't want to have in my life anymore, even if it doesn't encourage them.   A close friend of mine called me one day and asked, "what's the deal with you and Laura?  Neither one of you has the other listed as even 'in a relationship' on facebook."  I was really at a loss for words.  Are we to broadcast every intimate detail of our lives now?  Apparently so.  And even worse, when those details are shattered -- say, by a breakup or divorce -- now all of our facebook friends can comment on the event with their personal point of view, and it can turn into a dicussion, and even a debate.  That sort of thing is hard enough for an adult to handle; I can only imagine the impact on, say, a high school student.

At least here, I can say as little or as much as I want about myself.  Blogging is (for me) a socially introspective activity whose great value comes from the fact not only that we can work through ideas, but also form connections with truly like-minded people.  Who may remain forever anonymous.  Or not.  But we get to choose.

I still have a facebook account and occasionally I log in to it to contact those people I know who seem to only be reachable that way, like the personal trainer with whom I work out.  He never answers his phone, and his email is a black hole -- but send him a facebook message and he'll answer within an hour.  And, as it turns out, you can't actually delete your facebook profile: all the data you've ever uploaded is retained forever, awaiting your inevitable return and reactivation.  You can deactivate your profile, but you can never remove it, and you can never wipe yourself from the facebook servers.

*Mark Zuckerberg, the 26-year-old child-CEO of facebook, is on record as having stated that he believes the future of online social interaction to be more sharing, not less.  As in, less privacy, by default.  And in fact the evolution of privacy settings on facebook has demonstrated that he is putting that philosophy into action.  Given that not many people bother to change defaults, this is troubling, to say the least.  A network intrusion specialist who is a friend of mine "in real life" has stated: be afraid of facebook -- very afraid.